Learning the Hard Way

As a writer there are a lot of valuable lessons to be learned even from rejections and failures. Recently I pinned all my hopes on a writing competition that I had entered, one that in the past had resulted in large publishing deals and even awards. I even planned in my head what I might wear should I make it to the launch. Dreams are really important and as a friend pointed out to be this week self belief is one of the most important things to keep.

In a desperate attempt to keep my spirits high and my writing going I've been working on a new website, furiously working out how to write a good synopsis and editing my novel with blue sticky notes and a lot of biro.

Not every great writer gets published. That's just a fact. Sometimes they languish at the bottom of slushpiles and yet the enjoyment they get from writing can be enough. Yes I'd love to be published, of course I would, but for now I'm happy trying!

Hello Again

It has been a while since I felt comfortable blogging. I think sometimes we forget that once we have put something down and published it to a blog it is there for everyone to see. I view my blog as this private little journal that only a few people bother to read but that isn't necessarily true. If someone googles my name they will find it and as a writer seeking publication it can be dangerous. A bad day resorting in a grumpy post could give an agent the wrong impression about my character. So I've been having a think about how best to use my blog and whether it is a good tool at all.

My conclusion is that social networking is a valuable tool and a blog can be too. You have this space that you can use however you like, write whatever you want on and you are responsible for making sure that it reflects the real you.

Now to news.... I am on what I like to think is my penultimate draft of Tattooing Angels. It's been a lot of hard work having started it last November for Nanowrimo and probably having worked on edits for the past nine months at least but I'm hoping it will pay off. I'm currently going through the whole thing with a fine toothcomb, getting rid of unnecessary waffle and tightening bits up. I think because I've already entered the first few chapters of this novel into two competitions I'm a little nervous about its reception. I love it but that doesn't mean the rest of the world will too and that kind of freaks me out. I always seem to get good comments at crit groups and web postings but that doesn't mean that industry professionals will see the good in it. I remember taking the first chapter to the York Writers Festival back in March, I had two one to ones and both seemed to love the idea and the first chapter but is it strong enough to stand out in a competition! I for one am not so sure.

It Has Been A While

I've been avoiding writing for a while now. Mainly because I feel like I'm stuck in this limbo where things aren't quite happening. On Saturday I phoned my mobile broadband provider, upgraded my package and signed up for a new netbook in the hope that it might get me writing again. I've also had some great ideas for the Puffin competition which I would like to use. So, hopefully once my dizzy head and nausea disappears its back to writing.

I guess I also need to drag myself away from the Supernatural box sets that I have been watching way too much of. I had to stop after Season Three because it started to walk dangerously close to blasphemy, but the first three Seasons were mine and my sister's favourite. Sam and Dean were so like us, their childishness, their devotion to each other. It read like a guide to every sibling relationship that is really close and I miss watching that.

Weekends

Weekends always feel like you did nothing and at the same time like you never stopped. They are my down time, I watch DVDs, eat far too much and forget that I'm ill. This weekend I had a terrible headache all weekend and pain in my hip, its weird how at weekends you push through it whereas during the week you feel like you should just stop. Surely it should be the other way around.

My favourite time is the hour or so I get in Starbucks every morning to work on my edits. They are going slowly at the moment. I'm not rushing anything but it feels like I'm working harder on them than I ever had. I think I'm in this haunting period. Rewriting feels like that sometimes, you aren't working on anything new but going over old ground and mending the mistakes. It feels good though and have been getting some new ideas.

I'm determined to write something about mental illness. My sister has been suffering with severe clinical depression for years and seeing her change from the person I knew before to this shell that can't function needs to be documented and appreciated somehow. I get glimpses of the old person now and again before she collapses inward again. This affects so many people and it needs to be appreciated and understood. I have a title and an idea, now I just need a protagonist who can do it justice.

All I Have Is Time

Editing is making me feel a little more positive this morning. Despite the fact that editing usually makes me feel like Sweeney Todd, murderously cutting bits of my manuscript. As I read through it I can see it getting lots better. I can see the actual shape of it, the drive pushing its way through and I'm really pleased with how it is going so far. It's a good few months of being ready to submit anywhere.

On another positive note I have found a way around a dilemma at the end of the novel. Death is not always the end! Well strictly speaking it kind of is but not if you find a clever way around it!

Had a quiet weekend watching Box sets of House compulsively. I do find that I have a lot in common with the main character in House. I love the way he says inappropriate things that are shocking but hilariously funny at the same time. My favourite was this comment to his african american colleague who tried to write on his white board: He said "there's a reason they're called white boards. It wasn't my idea I'm just saying". Then his colleague said "give me the black marker" and took the pen off him. Hilarious, not pc but hilarious!

It's Okay To Go Slow

After feeling a little bit down about not doing much writing these past few days I've discovered that it is actually okay to go slow and do other things. On Saturday I went to watch an amazing production of Pride & Prejudice in an outdoor theatre in the grounds of Dunham Massey. It was wonderful, despite the fact I'm not a great Jane Austen fan I really enjoyed it. We had a picnic, sat huddled under cardigans as the night set in and I watched loads of rabbits and squirrels tearing around the garden not caring that there were over 500 people sat not one hundred metres away.

On Sunday I watched the Wimbledon final (sorry Nadal didn't win Sam) and then had a barbecue. Despite being absolutely exhausted it was really nice to have a packed weekend and just enjoy myself doing things that didn't include obsessing about my writing.

On Thursday night I went to The Octagon theatre and watched Sweeney Todd. The main reason I went was because my sister had designed a poster at Uni and it was displayed in the bar. The production was actually really really good (if it hadn't finished I would recommend it to anyone) and my sister's poster looked amazing on the wall. She was so proud of it I couldn't help but smile. My sister is a true testament to the fact that eventually you can pull yourself back together after falling apart.

Starting Again

I've finally reached the editing stage with Tattooing Angels. I did a first draft, which was basically a brain splurge - the words just poured out onto my netbook. I printed it off and re-typed the whole thing trying to expand on characters and plot so that it was an actual book. Now I'm at the technical edit where I have to look at everything and make it a hundred percent better. It won't be the last edit but hopefully it will be the major one.

One of my bad habits is that when I'm editing I just start adding bits. I don't take a lot away but I start adding paragraphs and then expanding on this which can err dangerously towards repetition. I'm trying to knock that out of myself. If I see a lame paragraph or a part that doesn't quite live up to expectations then its going!!!! I am a harsh critic of my own work - or I will be with a little practice.

I'm reading a book on writing young adult novels at the moment. It's actually a brilliant book called : Writing Great Books For Young Adults by Regina Brooks. I do highly recommend it. What I'd say is its good if you have a first draft and you're ready to start seriously getting it ready for submission but you have to open minded, editing can mean complete rewrites, it can me axing bits that you personally love and it can make you doubt the greatness of your work. In the end though (I'm hoping) it will lead to a polished manuscript that will be hard to refuse.

My sister has finished her University course for the Summer, enviably coming away with A's in all her modules and being on course for a First (fingers crossed) when she graduates next year. I find that my sister makes me really proud. She's my big sister and she's always been someone that I've found impossibly endearing. She's one of those people who rarely lies, never bitches or says anything bad about anyone and doubts her brilliance. She's like this little doll that you just want to put somewhere safe but she's bloody brilliant at nearly everything she turns her hand to (apart from cooking -which of course she'd argue with). So over the SUmmer and because I'm working part-time I've promised to entertain her with exciting happenings so here are my plans:

a) York for the weekend (which was last weekend). We stayed at the Royal George and ate a three course meal and drank way too much.

b) Cinema to watch X-men on Friday

c) Chester Zoo (date to be confirmed). I got a camera for my birthday and am dying to try it out as I am hoping to design an inspiration board of pictures.

d) Sweeney Todd at the Octagon. If you go and see it check out the posters by Bolton University students and look for my sisters. It's a really hot male torso with a tattoo on the arm.

e) Pride & Prejudice at Dunham Massey - an outdoor play with picnic

f) Ireland to visit our friend Erin for a long weekend.

g) Fingers crossed the Moscow Circus at Tatton Park!!!!

h) A couple of dog shows because Darcy is going to explode onto the Dog Scene

i) more to come.

Okay I'm getting back to editing. My boss is away for a week so I'm in charge!!! Which basically means drinking a lot of coffee, designing a lot of marketing materials on Powerpoint and generally coming up with ideas to attract clients.